The Hex Files

So, there was a tear. Shoulder has been scraped and cleaned and repaired. I am in a sling for a while. It hurts like hell. Have some sort of medication pump which Liana gets to remove on Fri. Still slightly out if it from anesthesia. Typing one handed. Hope to recover quickly.

That is all. Thanks for all the good wishes.

Or me. Yes, tattoo me.

I want to get the third piece of my half-sleeve done for my birthday. I have the phoenix on the back of my shoulder, the yin-yang skulls on the top of the shoulder and need the third piece representing life on the top of my arm.

( I'm trying to decide between two pieces: )
What y'all think?

Will told me the other day that I have testicles. And he's right. Not balls, of which I've been accused of having, particularly of the brass variety, but testicles. Balls on a chick is an attitude, but we're talking anatomy here.

My testicles have names: Joker and Harley. They go everywhere with me, or at least try to. They are short and hairy. Like all other testicles, they have a bad habit of getting in the way when I'm trying to do something. I have to shift them out of the way when getting dressed; if I don't, my pants will be twisted around or both legs will be in one side. I have to push them aside when going to the bathroom. Lying down in bed means having to make sure both testicles have enough room to spread out, or one will be squished and uncomfortable and that's bad.

Walking with my testicles is an exercise in dexterity. They're either right in front of me, and easy to step on or crossing each other and easy to trip over. Sometimes, they're behind me, jostling to get in front, causing my legs to twist and turn or even open wide so at least one can go underneath me to get where they want to be.

Sometimes, I sit on my testicles, usually when they won't move out of the way. Then, they grunt and squirm and try to wriggle out from beneath me. Taking the stairs is especially dangerous. One testicle must always be just slightly ahead of me, while the other pushes us both aside in a rush to be there first. I've mostly mastered the art of cooking with my testicles but they occasionally find a way to get in the way in the kitchen as well. Thankfully, I've not yet dropped a pot of boiling water on my testicles. Scalded testicles aren't something I want to experience.

I have to strap my testicles down while driving, or they will bounce around the car like pingpong balls. Safety comes first, always. I bathe them as well, since no one wants stinky testicles. I also scratch them, a lot. Sitting on the couch watching a movie will find me scratching and caressing my testicles. I like to coddle and cuddle and kiss my testicles. One of them even likes to kiss me back, oftentimes before I've even asked for one. That's the drippy one, Joker. That particular testicle has a tendency to dribble and drool and slurp all over your face. But, he's a cute testicle so it's OK. The other testicle grunts, talks and considers the world her oyster.

My testicles even jostle each other for position, constantly fighting over which one of them gets to be closest to me. They push and struggle for attention and I try very hard to lavish love upon them equally. Being a girl with testicles isn't easy, but I'm learning how to deal with it.

Now, I just need to grow a penis and I'LL RULE THE WORLD!!!

Sometimes I wonder about myself. I've been working with dogs for years, and while I don't consider myself an expert, I thought I knew enough to be able to identify and correct behavior issues. So why did it take me so long to figure it out?

Some pit bull owners say that dog parks are bad places for pits. I disagree, preferring to allow each dog to make that decision. Navarre was not a dog park dog, so we never went except with Holly and then only if no one else was there. I knew my dog and his issues and didn't put him in situations where there could be trouble. Joker's personality is the exact opposite of Navarre's. He's overly friendly where Navarre was standoffish. They expressed their insecurities differently: Joker is a licker, always looking to reinforce that you like him. Navarre either got aggressive or cowered behind me. Joker likes other dogs, and wants to play with them; Navarre wasn't dog-friendly except for a very select group.

So, I take Joker to the dog park. Harley loves to play on the agility equipment (who knew? I thought it would be Joker who'd be more interested in an activity like that), and will run around with the other dogs until there's a tackle and then she backs off. Joker plays with anybody. And that's where the problem started. He was fine if a wrestling match started from a standing position. He was fine when he was being chased. The problem started when he was part of the pack chasing another dog. When the tackle finally happened, Joker would go after the dog when it was down.

I'd watch carefully to identify if his body language changed, but it didn't. There was no aggression, excitement, but not aggression. It didn't matter if the chasee was a smaller or larger dog, he'd still go in for the "kill" (not really trying to kill, but that over-zealous tackle-bite. I'd separate him, give him a few minutes to get himself under control and he'd go back to playing nice. While driving home from the store yesterday, it occurred to me what he was doing:

His prey drive had kicked in. *smacks forehead*

He has a high prey drive; we've been working with him to get him to at least tolerate our cat's presence without chasing her. Everything at the park would be fine until he was doing the chasing, then there would be a rumble. Big dog, small dog, doesn't matter...he gets overexcited and treats the dog like prey.

Well, now that I have identified the issue, I can work on it. He will be muzzled at the dog park while I try to figure out how to distract him and get him out of that headspace. He may grow out of it, or learn how to control his own reactions. He may not...but now that I know what it is and can thwart any problems from his end, he can still play and socialize.

Of course, being muzzled means he can't defend himself if another dog attack HIM, but I won't let that happen. I've waded into a rumble and pulled him out of it, been bitten by another dog for my trouble. But I consider it part of being a responsible dog owner of any breed, but even more so of a bully breed. I have to be MORE responsible and proactive because even owners of Rottweilers or Dobermans and other "scary" breeds will fault the pit bull. It's all part of owning one of the most maligned and misunderstood dog breeds. And since Joker really is a good boy, a friendly dog and loves to play, I'm not going to deny him the opportunity to play and socialize...I'll just be able to keep him from being a dumbass.

Originally posted by beren_writes at LJ Facebook/Twitter work around to get rid of the annoying boxes

Yesterday I was grateful that the heat seems to be backing off a bit. It's still summer-hot, but no longer hitting the triple digits.

Today I am grateful that Joker comes when you call him. Both puppies got out through the garage as I was taking out some trash. Joker ran up to a neighbor to say hello (and neighbor didn't get spooked by a pit bull running up to him; must be Joker's goofy smile and wagging-a-mile-a-minute tail) and came right back to me when I called him. Harley however, required a chase-down. I wish she'd learn from him...at least the good things.

I'm grateful for my little tomato plant. It's been producing delicious maters, not very big since it's potted, but quite tasty.

Yay for organic, homegrown produce!

I'm not going to even try and catch up. I'll just be grateful that I survived the past week with my sanity somewhat intact.

Today I'm grateful to Joker for his cow face. If I'm tired, hurting or feeling bad (which is more often than not), all I have to do is look at his face and I'll smile. Cute splotchy nose, funky markings, and doleful eyes. And the Tongue of Doom (tm), which may be a bit annoying at times, but he means well.

He may look like a cow, but thankfully he doesn't SMELL like one.

I'm grateful to Dr. Sawyer for being the great doctor she is. I took Liana in to see her because she's been showing signs of Fibro. The doc tested her and checked her heart, looking for mitral valve prolapse, which has been linked to Fibro and other autonomic/autoimmune disorders. Liana does have MVP (which I also have), and possibly the beginnings of Fibro. She's been put on a light beta blocker for the moment, and we'll be watching the rest.

It's not good news, but I'm grateful for having a doctor that not only believes in and treats Fibro, but also researches and keeps up in all the being done. She's pretty fabulous, especially since she's at least 75 years old. I'm talking a SERIOUSLY little old lady.

In my own health news, it seems this latest flare is starting to let up. After yesterdays struggle with narcoleptic episodes, the allover pain is lessening, now down to my normal screaming spots.

Yesterday I was grateful to Will for always trying so hard to take care of us. The issue with my laptop is beyond his capability, but it was really great of him to try to fix it.

Today I am grateful for having an air mattress. Camping out in the living room with the AC is so much better than sweltering in the bedroom. I may have to look into Sleep Number beds, since I'm actually feeling less pain than I do with our memory foam bed.