The Hex Files

 I just emailed the estate sale guy to see if we can push it back a week or two. With the motorhome still being in the shop, I can't truly get organized and ready for a sale. It should be back by end of the week but I'll need the extra time to move into it (as much as possible, really) and get my apartment in some kind of shape.

I've packed tons of books already and gotten them into my car to bring to Liana. 

I've purged my closet and dresser, and once the RV is here,  I'll see whether I need to purge more. 

We're going to move the bookcases to Liana this weekend -- she'll have her coveted bookcases and books to fill them. Even if I settle somewhere later down the road, I'll let her keep the cases. The books, I'll want some back because they're my beloved books. 

I can't help but think so much of this is futile. I saw what's coming back in 2014 while I was under, after my suicide attempt. 

I know what's coming. 

The only reason I'm even continuing to go live out this dream is so I can do it before....

.... 

....

Time to dust off the ol' DW, go back to journaling like I used to (and miss from the LJ days).

In other words, HEY BITCHES, I'M BACK!!

Now -- how to make this easier to read bc wtf, why is the text so tiny?

Yesterday I received an email from one of the directors of the rescue for which I volunteer. I was told that people perceive me a lot differently than I thought they did. In a nutshell, I either come across as condescending or I over-share, making people uncomfortable. While at first I was very upset and hurt, a days time has given me a little more perspective on the issue. I also spoke with a couple of people, including a native Alabamian and it's really given me a lot to think about.

I knew when we moved to Alabama that there would be a bit of culture shock, for both of us. I thought I'd handle it better than Will, since I've lived in the south before. I thought I "spoke Southern" because I easily slip into the accent, know most of the slang and am pretty darn friendly in the first place. Apparently, I don't speak southern at all.

Many of you know me or have at least met me in person. Those of you that haven't met me in person have at least interacted with me online for a good amount of years. You're used to how I talk/write. In thinking over all this, I've come to the conclusion that there has been a serious culture clash between me and many of the folks I've interacted with on behalf of the rescue.

To Yankees, it's NORMAL to talk over each other in a conversation. There's a fine line between talking-over and rudely interrupting, but we know that line. It's just how we are. I'm sure that if any of my southern friends were to listen to a conversation between me and say, Tracy, they'd probably wonder how we ever manage to get our point across. Add to that my natural speech cadence. I don't have a Noo Yawk accent; never have. Even when I slip into a southern drawl, the rhythm of my speech is very different. Heck, ask my NY friends and they'll tell you I don't sound like them either. I was raised in an European household. My mother was Brasilian; English was her second language (one of five she spoke). My father was born in California but raised all over the world, and spent most of his formative years in Swiss boarding schools. He also spoke multiple languages. So, the English I learned at home was "proper" -- the kind of English that non-native speakers speak. Diction, proper grammar, a rather extensive vocabulary, etc. This is NORMAL to me and I don't change it unless I'm speaking to a child that hasn't learned many words yet, or to someone that doesn't speak much English. (Or my dogs LOL) I don't make any assumption about another party I'm speaking with. To change how I speak because I assume the other party won't understand -- to me, that's talking to people like they're stupid. But, apparently I come across like one of those "blue-state elitists" that were in the news during the last election. Add to that my occasional brain fog, where I forget even the simplest of words and I'm sure people think I'm trying to talk like a walking dictionary.

Once upon a time, I WAS a walking dictionary, but no longer. However, I digress....

Then there's what Will calls my "lecture mode". I admit that I can get pretty passionate about some topics that interest me or I'm knowledgeable about. I enjoy sharing ideas and having discussions about certain topics. I typically "hold court". I'm aware of this, but thought people WANTED to hear what I was talking about. I'd never realized it was annoying.

Then there's the fact that for many years, my career and pagan outreach work required me to speak and write with a certain degree of professionalism. It becomes ingrained. I certainly don't mean to come across as brusque or rude, but my writing is meant to be concise and to the point. I don't bother with a lot of idle chit-chat when I write an email or letter (unless I'm ACTUALLY CHATTING). When I'm in a position where I have to interact with the public on behalf of an organization, I do so in a courteous and professional manner. I never considered that this could be taken any other way.

My Alabamian friend told me that she thinks it's culture clash. That more than likely, people perceive me as looking down on them when I'm just being myself. I guess I'm just another one of those "damned Yankees" who thinks she's better than everyone else.

It's not the truth; but the perception is there. And enough people were put off by it that I've been asked to step back from some of the things I was doing for the rescue.

And...I'm OK with that. It hurt at first, I won't deny that. But I also know that I'm a good and decent person that doesn't judge others based on how they dress, speak, write or anything else like that. I judge them based on their actions. However, others DO judge people on those very things, and I don't want the rescue to be damaged because of my personality quirks. So, I'm stepping back from certain operations but keeping up with others. Maybe those same personality quirks can be put to good use: in doing things that require a less casual mode of communication.

I'm posting this publicly so feel free to chime in. My ego can take it. But, know that I never meant to offend anyone. Now that it's been brought to my attention, I can try and be more aware of it. I doubt I'll be changing all that much; after all, it's taken me 43 years to be who I am and I kind of like me. I will, however, do my best to be more aware of it.

I post my gratitude project mostly on FB, but this one deserves a bit more than a short bit.

Yesterday, I was grateful to be associated with a group of responsible pit bull owners. Will and I attended a meet up for Bully Lovers in Birmingham. There were 16 Pit Bulls at Railroad Park plus all their owners and children, including a 3 month old puppy that was OMG so cute!! With it's squishy face and squeeee!! She was adorable!!

We were watched like a hawk by the park officials -- we were all gathered under the main pavilion where we shared food and drink, pibble dribble and talked. Next to us was a group of teenage girls -- a church group or community group (they were wearing the same t-shirts), and many were cooing over the dogs. Joker was his usual affable self -- friendly and more than happy to let anyone pet him. As usual, I had to warn people that he licks like crazy and will jump up to get you in the face. Most people bent down to his level as I tried to keep him from jumping. Richard, one of the board members for Bama Bully Rescue did exactly as I do: make Joker sit and THEN pet him, taking his hand away if Joker jumped and waiting until he sat quietly. Joker did well, occasionally losing his control over himself but mostly behaved well and didn't go too crazy with his Tongue of Doom™. Harley was her usual self as well, friendly but reserved. We had our pictures taken as well.

The part I'm mostly grateful for is being part of this group. Showing people what RESPONSIBLE Pit Bull ownership is like. A big bunch of well-behaved and managed dogs, socializing with other dogs, people and children with no incidents or problems. We left before the rest of the group did, but apparently the group left the area cleaner than when we got there. Apparently, one woman with her kid screamed "DON"T PET THE PIT BULLS!" when her son pet Gunner. When the dog licked him she said "Well I'll be damned! It's a small victory, but a victory nonetheless when communities are still trying to ban these dogs.

Today I am grateful for once again not gaining weight after quitting smoking. I haven't lost any since I quit (11 days so far!) but I'm very happy to be staying pat (for now). I didn't quit because I wanted to -- I quit because I had to in order to heal my ulcer. But, I'm doing well with it, even when the patch falls off. I still have the occasional craving but they're getting fewer and far between and not as intense. The only problem I'm having is a nagging headache. I don't know if it's due to withdrawal, the patch or the weather pattern but this headache just won't stay away. I shall start exercising again, by hook or by crook, DAMN this stupid foot pain. I want to continue to lose weight not be stuck in a plateau. But, at least I haven't gained anything which is what usually happens when you quit smoking. So, yeah I'm grateful.

It's that time of year again. Once again I nod to estaratshirai who started this. The Gratitude Project runs from Lammas to Mabon and you find something to be grateful for each day between those Sabbats. No repeats - you can be grateful for your spouse/kids/job/friends, but the reason for the gratitude needs to be different for each entry. Join the Gratitude Revolution! ;-)

Today I am grateful to Will for getting me started on Weight Watchers. I've lost 25 lbs so far and have 25 to go until my first goal; 35 to the weight I'd LOVE to be but won't cry if I don't make it. Now, if my body would just cooperate and let me exercise without pain.

The extreme heat is taking it's toll on my little garden. It's a container garden, which is harder to maintain than a conventional garden but I've been diligent in watering the plants either early in the morning or late evening so the sun doesn't burn the plants.



The only plants that are still thriving is the patio tomato, the jalapenos and the oregano. The bell peppers are holding on, as is the Stevia, but everything else is dying. There's no way I can salvage the cucumber -- it's dead. The roma tomato isn't doing well, I had to cut down the basil and hope it can recover and my green beans are hanging on by a thread.

This is sad. Last year, it rained so much most of the plants drowned. Yes, I have drainage holes in the pots and also use perlite or small pebbles to allow for more drainage. This year, they're wilting from the heat and there's no where I can put them to make it better. When it's 97° in the shade, it's just a bad summer. And it's not even really summer yet.

*sigh* Guess I'll have to shop the farmer's markets again for enough produce to make pickles and such.

THIS IS A REPOST OF WHAT I POSTED ELSEWHERE. If anyone can help, knows someone who can help, please do. This all came to light last night, and people are scrambling to find out the truth, and what we can do about it.

I am involved with dog rescue here in Alabama. Many of the different rescues, shelters and other organizations are frantically trying to reunite pets lost from the tornadoes with their families. The usual time restrictions in shelters have been lifted in order to allow families to get themselves together and come get their pet. We’ve been transporting shelter animals (those who were there prior to the storms) to other rescues in other states to make room for all the displaced pets.

And now it comes to light that the SPCA of CT has taken a bunch of animals from Alabama, without going through the proper channels. None of the rescue organizations were involved with this. It was in the news: http://nhregister.com/articles/2011/05/04/news/doc4dc1ec32cbe56550488426.txt

Notice, they don’t say that these animals were already in shelters. Maybe some of them were already homeless, but in all probability, they were someone’s beloved pet.

So now, of course, there is a shitstorm going on to find out WHERE they got these dogs and WHO they belong to.

http://www.nbcconnecticut.com/news/local/CT-SPCA-Rescues-Animals-from-Tornado-Devastation-121312074.html?fb_comment_id=fbc_10150254942540873_16707503_10150257889415873

What right do these people have to take our dogs? Why didn’t they just take the homeless dogs already in shelters so we can make room for the tornado victims? I’m trying to give them the benefit of the doubt that they thought they were doing the right thing, but now anyone who tries to get in contact with them is deleted off their Facebook page; hung up upon; no replies.

Yeah. I’m angry. If I’d lost my dogs through in a disaster only to find they were across the country, I’d sue the pants off them. The same thing happened after hurricane Katrina, and the owners sued and won.

And even more disturbing news. http://www.independentmail.com/news/2010/jul/25/dog-adoptions-delayed-after-committee-flags-concer/

If you're so inclined, spread the word. This has to STOP

So many animals abused, neglected, killed. I know that there are thousands upon thousands of animals put through hell every year, but for some reason, pit bulls have it worse. People just seem to think that they can do anything to them, and it won't matter.

But it does. I was involved in a transport today of one of the pit bulls rescued from a rescue.

Read that again: Rescued from a RESCUE. A place that was supposed to be a sanctuary, a place to care for abused and unwanted dogs, but instead was another place of abuse and neglect. Here's the story:
https://www.facebook.com/notes/bama-bully-rescue/alabama-subject-rescuer-fails-up-to-40-pit-bulls-now-at-animal-control-undisclos/212604748753373

This is sweet Heidi:https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150211175360561&set=a.10150211043175561.346541.382954640560&type=1&theater

This poor girl is depressed, and beyond shy. People scare her. She won't take food or water from them, and doesn't even look at you in your face. I don't know her back story, whether she just whelped pups or is currently pregnant. Liana and I drove down to Montgomery to pick her up from another couple of got her out of Dothan. We brought her up here to Birmingham to meet with another rescuer who was taking her somewhere in N. Alabama. When we got her into the van, she just curled up on the seat and laid there. No interaction whatsoever. The first transport leg also had a few hundred pounds of food, litter, blankets and water to bring up to the Greater Birmingham Humane Society for the tornado victims so we loaded that into the van as well.

Since we were running very early, we decided to go the HS and drop off the donations before meeting Heidi's next transport leg. After we had it all unloaded, I took Heidi out of the van to stretch her legs for a bit. I learned quite a bit more about her in the hour we had her with us, waiting to meet the next person.

She's dog friendly, and extremely patient with puppies. The HS has walkers that take the puppies out for on leash walks and each one came up to Heidi to greet her and that was the first time I saw her tail wag. She tolerated puppies jumping on her, nipping her face and even licked them back. There were people coming and going with donations for the tornado effort, and lots of them stopped to talk to her and pet her. Within ONE HOUR, she went from having her tail between her legs and refusing to interact with people, to sniffing their hands and even taking an occasional look at their faces. For a dog that is so mistrustful of people to do that is a giant leap forward. I just kept petting her and talking to her, letting her walk where she wanted and check out her surroundings.

Seriously. All it took was an hour of love and comfort for her to break out of her shell a bit.

What kind of monster does that to a dog? What happened to her to make her so afraid of people? Pit bulls are people dogs...they LOVE people, which is why it's so easy to get them to fight. This poor girl has sores on her feet from standing in her own filth, standing on chain link with no blanket or pad. Her teeth are bad, she's heartworm positive and either pregnant or been bred so often her teats will never recede.

If I had the room, I'd have taken her myself. She responded to me and looked to me for support and comfort and I only had the dog with me for a few hours.

People are monsters. No wonder I love my dogs so much -- they'd never do something like that to me.

I'm just glad that Heidi is going to a good foster home with people who know how to help her get healthy, physically and mentally. I hope a nice family takes her in and shows her what it's liked to be loved.

Now, I need to go snuggle with my dogs.

I entered a contest to be a featured reader of the audiobook version of Neil Gaiman's American Gods. Unfortunately, the first round is to be decided by the public, ala American Idol. So, I have to compete against people who probably have a zillion friends on FB and such.

But I really want this. I've always wanted to do voice over work and audio book work. So, dear friends, I'm begging. Vote for me, please. I'm so anxious about this...

http://neilgaiman.bookperk.com/engine/Details.aspx?PageType=APPROVED&ContestID=29933&SubmissionID=7776135&IncrementNumber=1

You do have to register, but once you do, it's done. You can vote once per day. And I'll be begging daily. I never do this kind of "Vote for me" crap, but I REALLY REALLY want this. Plus, I get to go to NYC to do it...HOME!!

Please?


On the "OW" front: My shoulder is KILLING me today. It was feeling all right yesterday but today it is screaming. I didn't do anything to it that I know of, but wowsa. I'm on enough pain medicines to knock out a horse and they're barely touching the pain. Bleh.